Half a Lifetime Without My Mom
It's been over a year that I lost my Mother, and not a day goes by when I don't think of her. Not a single day has passed when I haven't sorely missed her and grieved. Still feels unreal, and her absence is a painful realization.
My mom and I shared the most amazing bond. I don't think I can measure up to be like her in this lifetime. She was the most perfect human being I have ever known...someone who held high standards when it came to home, work, and maintaining relationships. She made it all look so easy. Now when I try to step into her shoes, I realize how incredibly difficult it is.
The endless horizon of grief and void....
All these months, I wondered if it would ever get easier. They say 'time heals all wounds'. It may be true to an extent, but it takes years for this to happen. Initially it feels like you're looking outside of an aircraft window, and all you see is the endless sky, the clouds, and an endless horizon with no sign of civilization, and nowhere to go. There is a huge void, one that will take decades to fill. After my Mom's passing, I struggled to find myself, and in many ways I think I have rediscovered myself all over again. Her absence defined and restored me.
Amid all the grief, you also realize, that your Mom is going to miss every birthday now on, all the anniversaries, all the special occasions, every Christmas eve, and the next morning when you open up all the gifts. That She's never going to be there to share that smile, the excitement, and the joy. Festivals and occasions will never be the same again. 'My Charm' is lost forever...
So what do you make of half a lifetime without your loving Mother? This fantastic woman who was your anchor, your best friend, your support system all through your life...
Here's what I plan to do... I am learning to make new memories with my family, and loved ones. I think that's one of the many ways to keep your favorite person close to your heart. You have to learn to recreate memories of your loved one who has passed. I now find solace in revisiting places my Mom and I once visited, or in activities (cooking, arts & crafts, etc) that she and I once shared. I am trying to keep that legacy alive. I want to live the rest of my life by celebrating Her life, and living up to be as fabulous as she was.
Of all the relationships that exist, a mother-daughter relationship is the most special one. I feel rather lucky to have shared that bond, the friendship and the closeness with my Mom. I hear very few people share this kind of closeness with their parents or families. And I am glad I got to experience this in my lifetime. One day, I will share the same with my children. And I hope it is as special as this one!
So how do you plan to cherish the life and times with the ones you've lost?
Something to think about...